Sep 21, 2008


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He said .... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said ... You wear pants don't you?

He said .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said ... That's a good idea -- you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

On a wall in a ladies room ... 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it . ' I do not'

Q . How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Man says to God: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?'
God says: 'So you would love her.'
'But God,' the man says , 'why did you make her so dumb?
' God says: 'So she would love you.'


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Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.


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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team' s bench .
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience .
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, ' especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents !
Dumbfounded, her date asked , ' What do you mean?
'' Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screa ming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!
' I'm like. . . Helloooooo ooooo ooo? It's only 25 freaking cents ! !!!!!

Sep 20, 2008


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George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'
'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'
Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.
'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.
'Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.
'Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'
'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!'



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The 5 Answers

A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Thought for the day:
What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
Answer: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


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The Aisle Seat.
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London .
One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat...
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ' That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors..... 'Why does it have to be this way?' 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?'
Semper Fi

Sep 19, 2008


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Quote for the day:
"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So... if you give her crap, you will receive more shit than any one human being can handle."

Sep 16, 2008


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Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey.
The next day he drove up and said, sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.
Chuck replied,'Well, then just give me my money back.
'The farmer said,'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said,'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked,'What ya gonna do with him?Chuck said,'I'm going to raffle him off.
'The farmer said,You can't raffle off a dead donkey!
'Chuck said,'Sure I can Watch me... I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said,'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.
'The farmer said,'Didn't anyone complain?'Chuck said,'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two dollars back.' !!
Chuck now works for the government.


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This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! Be sure you read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!=================================

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support:Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

Customer: My keyboard i s not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer:'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

And last but not least...
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That bring s up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
'Customer:I don't have a P.Tech support:
On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.


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Making a baby.
This is hilarious!
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later a baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.
Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me !
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look !
Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh Yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' !
Mrs. Smith fainted!!!!!

Sep 14, 2008


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Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute,

really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said,

I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor,

you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.

He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?'

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,

'The bastard had all quarters!'Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety

before agreeing to it and getting screwed.


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The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde Cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you dressed like this?'
The Cowboy says: 'Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants .. So I Did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... ' And here I am.' ......

Sep 11, 2008


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Grandpa had a ritual he looked forward to every Sunday morning. He would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time - Just he and his little granddaughter.
On one particular Sunday, however, he had a very bad cold and didn't feel like getting out of bed at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
Upon their return, the little girl anxiously ran up stairs to see her grandfather. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh, yes, Grandpa,' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see one dumb bastard or stupid shithead anywhere we went today!'
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?


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Q:How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?
Woman's Answer: One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And,once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
What was the question?


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Jacqueline and her husband Marc went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on:
neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand, unbuttoned her blouse, embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, and kissed her passionately as her husband Marc watched with a raised eyebrow.
Jacqueline shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to Marc and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
Marc thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.'

Sep 10, 2008


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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his Doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day. Repeat this schedule for 2 weeks and when you return, you will have lost at least 3 kilos.'
Two weeks later the Irishman returns and the Doctor is shocked to see he's lost 25 kilos.
'This is amazing!' exclaims the Doctor 'Did this happen by just following my instructions?'
The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From hunger, you mean?'
'No, from all dat fockin' skippin!


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Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weight-lifting commentator: This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?

Sep 9, 2008

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road andslowly the other driver got out of his car.You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things justseem funny?Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started.....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started.....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply forSocial Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my SocialSecurity application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability, too
'And then the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
''My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.... ..


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I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes.'

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'


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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and then rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Sep 6, 2008



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Scenario: You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on. You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal- Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and i t says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what the hell it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think you heard someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Sep 3, 2008



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Baptising an Irishman
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?
'The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus my brother?
'The drunk again answers, 'No,oi haven't found Jesus.
'By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'



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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said,
"Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."