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This will Mess With Your Head.
3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL.
THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30,SO EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH$5.
ON THE WAY, THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF.
THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF $ 27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.
WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?
Oct 25, 2008
Oct 20, 2008
ARTHUR AND THE WITCH
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Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified.
She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants,
she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened .
.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch?
Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified.
She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants,
she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened .
.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch?
Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly
Oct 1, 2008
3 JOKES
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Subject: FW: Irish catholic humour Box Donation
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Confession>
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.
' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!'
Brothel Trip An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
Subject: FW: Irish catholic humour Box Donation
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Confession>
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.
' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!'
Brothel Trip An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
IT COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME
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I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No' - excitedly.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake?'
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No' - excitedly.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake?'
Sep 21, 2008
ONE FOR THE LADIES
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He said .... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said ... You wear pants don't you?
He said .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said ... That's a good idea -- you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room ... 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it . ' I do not'
Q . How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Man says to God: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?'
God says: 'So you would love her.'
'But God,' the man says , 'why did you make her so dumb?
' God says: 'So she would love you.'
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
He said .... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said ... You wear pants don't you?
He said .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said ... That's a good idea -- you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said .... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room ... 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it . ' I do not'
Q . How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Man says to God: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?'
God says: 'So you would love her.'
'But God,' the man says , 'why did you make her so dumb?
' God says: 'So she would love you.'
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
THREE MEN
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Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'
Poof! ...... He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team' s bench .
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience .
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, ' especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents !
Dumbfounded, her date asked , ' What do you mean?
'' Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screa ming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!
' I'm like. . . Helloooooo ooooo ooo? It's only 25 freaking cents ! !!!!!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team' s bench .
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience .
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, ' especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents !
Dumbfounded, her date asked , ' What do you mean?
'' Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screa ming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!
' I'm like. . . Helloooooo ooooo ooo? It's only 25 freaking cents ! !!!!!
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